That Don't Make No Sense No. 1: 'Ling Ting Tong' — Chinatown, My Chinatown?

In this ongoing series, we shall explore the incongruities, illogic and idiocy to be found in many of our favorite songs.



The Five Keys announced themselves as the progenitors of "wok 'n' roll" with "Ling Ting Tong," their Top 5 R& B smash from 1955. This work of proto-doo-wop vocal harmony from Column A, coupled with a lyrical penchant for exoticism from Column B, became the recipe for a veritable pupu platter's worth of "chop suey rock" singles to follow.

And while one shouldn't have much of an expectation that a quintet of R&B slingers from Newport News, Va., would be Geography Bee champs, their curious knowledge of matters of a municipal nature can only be called, for lack of a better word, inscrutable.

Just take in the opening lines of "Ling Ting Tong" (okay, to be precise, the first words that are actually delivered in English, following the beautiful nonsense of "Tie-sa-mokum-boo-dye-ay/Tie-sa-mokum-boo"), and make sure to have your favorite head-scratching finger poised and at the ready:

I went to Chinatown
Way back in Old Hong Kong
To get some Egg Foo Yung
And then i heard a gong

Now, this author can't claim to be an absolute expert on provincial affairs as they pertain to Sino-British colonialism in the 19th and 20th centuries, but under what line of reasoning would someone presume that Hong Kong has its own Chinatown? That would be akin to singing about picking up a couple of scoops of gelato in Rome's Little Italy!

Why, the whole thing makes me throw my hands up and exclaim, "That don't make no sense!"